Toxic positivity, a rant

Publicado el 28 oct 2020
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Comentarios

  • I am a social worker and toxic positivity is trying to convince me that Santa is real. I don't have the patience or time to listen to BS.

  • Not talking about what you do on your channel won't make it go away. It's still there. By talking about it you are spreading awareness and bringing light on issues that people should be aware of. Your health comes first though. So take breaks when needed. 💜

  • My mom is extremely like this.. when I struggle with a bad day and want to vent to her, she is always like: “just calm down... it’s nothing. Don’t be so upset, look on the bright side” and then she is surprised when I bottle up my negative emotions and they evolve into a depression...

  • How do I like this video another 9239393 times?!

  • Forced positivity is just as bad as plain negativity. Not jumping in happiness and just feeling okay and normal ISN’T A BAD THING. And when having the negative thoughts, no need to get overly and forcefully positive, just make sure that your negative thoughts ends and don’t spiral by distracting yourself by anything, the only important thing to do is to not let the bad thoughts spiral, no need to force yourself into happiness because that shit is unhealthy and insane.

  • (just got this recommended) This is why whenever I talk to friends I always tell them "Express how you feel first, always, don't hesitate to tell me what's wrong or why you feel that way, remember that the more you express your thoughts the more you're able to collect yourself and the more I'll be able to cheer you up" I learned this time to time, but I also learned it through just a few Swifts of psychology has well and common sense in general. people have built in emotions, there should be a reason on why they exist in the first place. and that's also why most psychologists first thing to do is to be very welcoming and open minded to listen to you. I do this because it works for me and my friends to listen to each other and feel better time to time. remember, to always tell your most trusted about your feelings, don't keep it inside for it will be worse

  • Thats an oxymoron. How can positivity be toxic? It is certainly better than being a moany pants mopping around all the time. Debbie downers are a 24/7 pity party and that is truly exhausting to be around to

  • Yes 💯 this!

  • I was just talking about toxic positivity while my mom and I were watching the Fyre Festival documentary on Netflix, and now this shows up in my recommended! That’s coincidental!

  • This is very much my parents. I cannot tell them I’m depressed (also mainly because my dad is one of the causes). It will end up with “you should lose weight if you want to be happy” or “turn to God” or “stop focusing on your phone”.

  • It’s emotional gaslighting and abuse, can’t deal with it.

  • I remember someone once told me I shouldn’t be depressed because I have a nice house

  • The worst part of toxic positivity is that it's usually someone telling another person to sugarcoat over something that clearly isn't working for them and to spend their energy on justifying why they should keep xyz-crappy thing going on in their life. Some times things don't work, and allowing someone to rant gives them the space to list out and acknowledge their frustrations. It's massively helpful to put those feelings into actual words in a practice setting with someone you feel comfortable with so that if there's something that can be done about a situation or if you have to ask for help from someone else, you kinda know what it is you're needing help with. I think people would feel more confident in dealing with problems if the people they confide in would affirm that it's normal to feel the way they do in the circumstances they are in, but toxic positivity is like asking someone to just shut up unless it's selling a lie of why candy-coating dysfunction should be preferred to addressing the root of an issue. I'm glad there are others that ask their friends "Do you need to vent or do you want advice?" I like to also ask if they need some levity or a distraction from it once they get their thoughts out. I believe laughter is the best medicine, but I also believe everything is circumstance and it doesn't hurt to ask what someone needs before trying to help with something.

  • I am the therapist friend, I'm in alot of different friend groups and they all come to me for advice. I'll just let them vent and say everything they want to say, and sometimes screaming is involved. Then after I'll ask them if they want my input on the situation.

  • this is literally me right now, i did not know this was a thing-

  • I just realized.... I used to be like this... wow. As a teenager; I thought I was helping. How many times did I accidentally make my friends feel like their emotions were invalid.. I feel like a shitty person.

  • I feel like a lot of you miss the point of positivity. The idea that you’re “realistic”, not “negative” can be really harmful. I used to have that mindset and I was fucking miserable all the time. You can be levelheaded and realistic without dwelling on the negative and being a huge killjoy. These top comments are all missing the point of positivity and really disappointing me. Does toxic positivity exist? Yes. But most of positivity is helpful. Looking at the glass half full is a GOOD thing. Idk why some of y’all are so hellbent on being miserable and dragging other people down with you. “It’s not healthy to bottle your feelings up!” No ones asking you to do that though. We just don’t want you to complain ALL the time, and YES you DO have a roof over your head so at least try to be grateful for that? Dang. And before you say anything like I don’t understand mental illness; I used to be so depressed that I attempted suicide twice. And you know what? Being “realistic” all the time made it WORSE!!! I do understand and I say positivity is amazing and if used correctly can totally change someone’s life.

  • As an artist and writer, I deal with a lot of people who don't like the darker things I cover in my stories/illustrations. Even as a kid, if my mom ever happened to get her hands on something (which after a while, I started hiding) I wrote, she'd grill me on "Why aren't you writing happy stories?" "Why are your characters so depressing to look at?" ETC. My stories are my therapy. The worlds and characters are where I can vent or explain things I think or feel in ways that otherwise can be hard to describe. I'm not sorry if it takes a dark turn.

  • Holy shit I HAD NO IDEA that what my mom was doing was called "toxic positivity". Sure, it doesnt feel good when she invalidates my depression saying "its all in your head, if you just gotta think you're not depressed and you'll feel better! You just need to think about happy stuff! You need to be more positive, you're not depressed you just wanna believe you are!" or "If you stopped drawing sad people you would feel better, if you started drawing people smiling you'd feel better and more positive" but i never associated it with toxicity. I just thought it was an annoying attitude of her. Basically my mom's being toxic all this time and i had no idea to what extent lmao. (also she always asks why i dont talk to her about how i feel, but every time i do she talks me down and says i just WANT to feel that way and basically invalidates how i feel so yeah)

  • okay but honestly though thank you for this. i really needed to hear it. not gonna lie, i've been quite guilty for doing this. though being positive is practically one of the only few things why i like being here, there are also times where i may be a bit too happy almost to the point where it seems like im being delusional and self-centered.

  • This is what I was taught in therapy: Negative emotions serve a purpose. They tell you something is wrong. If you just suppress or ignore them, the cause of them won't get addressed, and you'll just keep having problems. All emotions are important to be healthy. Good bad or indifferent. They all happen for a reason.

  • Nothing is negative about awareness. People needs to bring awareness to what's happening in the world and these bad people. . Your content is more important in my opinion then lots of crap I see on youtube.

  • Your content is very helpful. For someone who finds making friends deeply difficult, I find that i am out of the loop on a lot of things. since I subscribed, i have learned quite a bit of current culture. The way that you present topics is logical, intelligent and you do actually attempt to present things in an unbiased manner.

  • TW: Suicide mentioned A man whose son committed suicide decided to start a whole ass foundation to force schools to open during the pandemic because that is why his son killed himself. He said he was a happy kid, didn't seem to have any troubles, he walked upstairs one day and hung himself. I was thinking that just does not happen. It doesn't. So I watched a further interview and he said he was having trouble and he had to remind him to be positive and/or grateful, but for the most part he was "very happy". I think that is what happened here. He made his son push down the bad feelings, push down the bad thoughts, and learned to hide them from his father. Yes, if the schools were open he maybe wouldn't have killed himself, however, it seems it would be because he would be able to be away from his shit dad. I am not even going to broach the idiotic idea that the schools should be fully opened because "kids are a lower risk" Yes, however, her 65 year old teacher isn't, the 44 year old janitor isn't, the 35 year old Immuno compromised bus driver isn't....ARG Ok sorry.

  • Allow yourself to feel everything, and then control your responses to those feelings like a grown up.

  • Ahh... the "just think happy thoughts" type of comments... My god I hate them and as a person with depression I wanna punch everyone who gives me a such a comment.

  • IMO, positivity which has no basis in reality or direction is the most damaging lie you can tell yourself, hence why I don't follow people spouting 'positive vibes only'.

  • *talking about depression and negative emotions* youtube: "PLAYDOUGH- DOUGH- DOUGH...."

  • Every time I want to discuss a topic that's for some reason is bothering me my mom is like "Why are you giving your energy to negative stuff? That's wastefull. Focus on positives". yeah... that's helpfull.

  • This was a very relatable and useful video. Thanks for uploading it for us to see 💖

  • It's funny because I'm a pretty positive person a lot of the time, and I really like light hearted content... but also you and darker/ realistic things. Depends on the mood

  • Thinking about other people who have it worse makes my anxiety a billion times worse. A few people recently told me things that either have happened or are happening to them that are a big deal and it's bothered me so much that I've spent the past few days especially pretty much not sleeping at all and literally didn't sleep at all last night and I was crying because I can't believe that has happened to them.

  • All the time... My fiance died last july and it has made my depression worse than ever. And I'm so tired of people telling me that eventually I will be fine, I am still young, I'll find someone else. So I just stopped talking about how I feel with others cause this is all I get. Like you said it feels like I can never just vent my feelings without people instantly trying to fix me.

  • You didn't create that negativity. You're just pointing it out. You are pointing out how messed up the world is because these things can't be ignored.

  • I find your content more informative and critical than negative, watching your videos doesn’t make me feel more depressed or anxious, but I think some people need to admit they can’t handle watching heavier content instead of invalidating the feelings and interests of others

  • My grandmother is just this type of person, I told her I wasn't feeling good mentally and all she had to say was "well that will do you know good, just pretend to be happy and you will start to feel happy too :)" .... Wow.... Thanks grandma, that sounds way better than dealing with what is hurting me right now

  • You're ABSOLUTELY 100 % RIGHT!!! While you were speaking here I was like " Yep, yep!" or "Finally!" or "Right!" lol .... People just don't understand that people need to be LISTENED when they are in a hightned emotional state... Deny someone's emotions or feelings means ignoring or invalidating the humanity in the very person : emotions is what we are made up of. I heard so many experts saying it time and time again. We have evoluted in being animals with, among other things, a humongous range and depht of emotions/feelings. And there is science and research that back up this whole topic.... Anyway, it was a BIG relief hearing someone saying it out loud....Thanks! 🙏🙏

  • I find your content REALSTIC. Which is negative to people who live with their head in the clouds. Aka positive vibes only lol. Love your opinion on things

  • Positive only vibe mindset is like if your friend is feeling sad you are supposed to cut them off because you don't need their negativity this is a positive vibes only zone

  • My brother does this to me sometimes. I know he never does it on purpose, but it annoys me sometimes when he says "well look on the bright side of this and that." And it's like, I know what the bright side is, but I'm still aggravated and I wanna express that. You can be grateful for what you have and still vent about your bullshit. I'm beyond grateful for the good luck my family's had this year, but you know what? It's still been a shitty year and I'm going to bitch and cry about it.

  • My Mom is exactly like this 😔

  • I’m glad and grateful that you are real and you are coming from an emotionally and well motivated place

  • And the whole, do you want to vent or do you want advice, there is a third option, and that is encouragement. I find frequently I dont need advice, but i hate it when someone just agrees with me that it sucks. I need to be told that everything will be ok, i need comfort. Most people dont know how to offer comfort.

  • I do think that the things we dwell on and surround ourselves by, will impact our emotions. That doesnt mean thats to total cause behind these feelings but they have an impact. That is something to take into consideration.

  • the push for positivity comes as a recoil from discomfort. growth starts with discomfort and people who weaponize positivity to shame others for making them uncomfortable with their human emotions simply do not understand growth and want to continue living in a bubble of comfort. the reality is that many upsetting things happen and it’s better to be aware of them if you want them to change rather than stifling it all down and pretending that being kind and positive fixes all of the world’s deepest issues.

  • All too often, this is a way to diminish or dismiss the feelings of others.

  • It's also kind of feels like they're saying your sadness or w.e is making me uncomfortable... could you just change that to happy? So I feel better

  • Hi all! I had a psych professor in college tell me my problem is that I think too much. So, I should just stop thinking so much - uh, ok???? About seven years later I would be diagnosed with OCD, so that psych professor gave me really great advice, right???? (sarcasm). Love your channel, you rock, keep it up!!

  • In January this year I had a breakdown after years of ignoring my thoughts and feelings and trying to pretend everything was ok. Even now, when I’m having a bad day and just need to talk it out my friends will hit out with cliches of ‘just think positive/try and look on the bright side/don’t let it get to you/listen to happy music’ etc, and what they don’t understand is if you don’t let yourself feel those dark feelings they fester. I don’t know... it’s like I’m not allowed to have a bad day or be upset about something, and because of my history of depression it’s as if they think they are doing me a favour telling me to be positive. I’ve started slipping back into saying ‘I’m fine’ when really I’m not, sometimes I just need to get something off my chest and want someone to listen and understand where I’m coming from. Recently I had a bad mental health day, and when talking to a friend I said ‘I’m annoyed at myself for ...’ and she said ‘there’s no point being annoyed, it’s in the past and it can’t change so you just have to look forward and think positive’ and I KNOW THAT, but I’m still going to feel frustrated with myself that it happened while realising that I can’t change it. It’s so bloody frustrating, just let me be annoyed and work it out my system ffs. Sometimes you need to embrace the negative feelings to be able to move on from it, if you ignore them they linger.

  • I once opened up to a friend about ongoing problems, and she told me things you listed like "that's not so bad, but you have this and this" etc. Her intentions might have been good but for me it felt as if she just shat all over my feelings disregarding them.. i felt guilty for getting mad at her, but now I see I had a good reason to feel upset, nice video! :)

  • Like you said, if someone is venting to you just let them vent. Don't go telling them about all your problems immediately because it could feel invalidating or even make them worried about you, possibly adding more stress (which in the moment isn't very helpful). It's not to say you aren't allowed because everyone deserves to be heard, but sometimes people just want to let it out and then they're good.

  • This is literally so I M P O R T A N T. I hate all these fake extra positive influencers, Rain Dove started this and nobody really paid attention to it, I'm glad people started waking up .

  • Well, you were kinda life-changing for me. I found your channel a couple of years ago, when I was really sad. Your voice just soothed me instantly with your wittiness and point of view. I'll take this as the opportunity to thank you You be you. We luv you ❤

  • People who don't let others vent are often the same people who tell you to smile. And few things piss me off more. I know they mean well but all my emotions are very intense and I do actually retreat home to let out my negative emotions whenever I feel they are too intense for others to witness. So I already do lots of introspection, I don't need others to tell me how to feel or how to express myself. It's nothing short of patronizing.

  • Guy: "You should smile more" Feminist: "toxic positivity, a thread"

    • I mean telling women (or honestly anyone) to smile is at best annoying and at worst pretty sexist

  • "but you have two parents" is what my friends say and im so annoyed by it because in reality my parents are really emotionally unavailable

  • For me toxic positive people make it sound to me that depression is something that can just be switched on and off and it’s all my fault I feel sad which. Makes me feel worse for two different reasons depending on who I’m talking to and why.

  • How can someone not like you? You're so real and you talk about real topics.

  • You're amazing I'm so glad your channel has come up in my reccomended enough for me to watch, I subbed and am so glad I'm here. I love to hear your opinions and your take on these circumstances. I am excited to see you continue to grow and listen to your content!!

  • I’ve been -for quite some time- not really well psychologically... And when I try to talk about it, to my parents or psychologist, they only say « it’s what everyone go through during teenage years » « everyone sometimes have negative thoughts » « it’ll pass, get over it » « think of something happy » « you have nothing to be sad about » etc. And I’m really not well, but they don’t seem to understand, and I thought that I was just stupid for getting upset over it (what they said)... but now that I know that toxic positivity is really something, it kinda help, so thank you I guess :)

  • I felt this! I’m quite interested in the darker side of life - I’m really into the goth subculture, I love vampires, etc. and people like this always assume that it’s “making me depressed”. My depressed past self who dressed completely “Normal” and wasn’t a goth disagrees. I don’t think these people understand how the brain works and that having an interest in true crime or the macabre will not make you depressed.

  • Toxic positivity, from your explanation, sounds like it's willingly deluding yourself and ignoring your actual emotions and thoughts. It sounds like a growing neurosis 😶

  • Your channel is about realistic things that happen everywhere everyday and these always positive people don't want to see or deal with those things. They want to pretend they aren't real so when people like yourself speak on these issues you are deemed negative and depressing. On another note if she treats you the same way regarding your mental health problems I don't think this person is truly your friend. My mother acts the same way towards me. Everything is be positive, just move on, just smile and forget it, etc., etc.

  • Last year I told my mom that I wasn't interested in Christmas and she said "I know, but I wish you would be" and honestly it really pissed me off

  • Didnt get bored lol, an experience of mine with this toxic positivity thing is when a classmate of mine passed out and everyone laughed while i stared in horror, oh and i also got alienated for not smiling too much

  • The “it could be worse!” notion followed me so far that I said that when I was told my dad had cancer. Like. Come on.

  • I think they have been suppressing your reach. They haven’t been showing me your vids

  • To not talk/bring to light issues (personal or in the world) is part of this worlds issue

  • I’ve lost friends because they said I was always “negative”... I guess just venting to friends about their anxiety and depression is negative... ok sure 🙃

  • My parents do this to me all the time, they have the best of intentions but they want to always fix things even though there isn’t anything to fix and I’m just trying to vent. Through this pandemic I’ve struggled to find people that don’t minimize my day to day emotions.

  • It very easily disregards your feelings. It's something my mom is a master at, invalidating all my emotions

  • I like the fact you're real, I used to think I was odd as everyone always seemed perpetually happy. I can't stand the transparent b.s of a lot of people who come from team positivity.

  • Your insights is really refreshing ❤️

  • Oh boy. So, I have physical chronic health issues and I’m bipolar. But I’m also a proud Buddhist. The amount of times I’ve gotten the impression from people that they think I must be doing my religion wrong just because I feel bad about my health issues or I’m having a depressive episode, because they think Buddhists automatically overcome negative emotions, it’s astounding. Talk about toxic positivity. Just because I try, emphasis on try, to focus on the moment doesn’t mean my suffering has gone away. And as the Buddha said, life if suffering.

  • There's nothing wrong with your channel content. It's thoughtful, insightful, rational and logical. You shed light on uncomfortable subjects with a heavy dose of reality, which is needed. For an individual to assume and tell you what content to post, well...that's narcissistic.

  • You can change you’re mindset by actively practicing gratitude everyday 🙏🏻

  • I’ve experienced this for a long time but never found a way to describe or express it. I love my family to death but toxic positivity is exactly why I can’t speak to them about mental illness.

  • My former crush in a nutshell Like I couldn't listen to her bullshit about how I was supposed to feel about a bunch of stuff . Like let people feel

  • Why is content like a rant demonotized

  • Can’t stand toxically positive people

  • Being positive no matter what smells denial. Mostly denial of your own emotions and experiences and pain that you project on others. Also people who truly have been through sh*t know that being positive all the time is not possible cause they know what pain that is bigger than yourself feels like. There is a difference between recognizing the truth of suffering and dwelling on in.

  • So on point!

  • I dont think ur channel spares negativity. u talk about dark themes, for sure, but ur videos are not negative because of this. In fact, ur very critic about those dark themes and i love it

  • Inside out is the best film ever and I love how it explains this topic

  • Ask any ex MLM hun and they will all tell you, toxic positivity is a terrible mindset to have. It works is one of the MLM companies famous for pushing this kind of thought process. You end up trying to be happy by being positive to the point where it's a detriment to your mental health. Look at all those women who sell it works, none of them are happy.

  • Thing is, if you assume the worst, you'll always be pleasantly surprised but never disappointed. :) Nah but seriously, toxic positivity is a stupid mindset. Pessimists are easier to deal with by a long shot. XD

  • Very valid point of view, and it does connect with the toxic masculinity. Both of these try to push you to a standard they hold in terms of how you should feel instead of listening to how do you really feel.

  • i agree with a lot of what you said. i will say this though, sometimes you can get addicted to the negativity and keep it as a constant flow in your head and that's smth i have to deal with daily and it's there where i can use more cliché positive thinking. but keeping ppl from expressing their pain with 'positive vibes' is bullshit thoroughly.

  • I made a video on this too. It's important to feel the feelings we go through. I made my video a couple years ago on my older channel and re-uploaded it on this channel literally a couple days before you posted this one (interesting synchronicity) and these days I'm not even on medication anymore and feel ok that way. Doesn't mean I'm always happy - I did go through a burnout so these struggles still happen but I feel that in general I've healed from depression and my mental health disorders because I deal with it so much differently these days. I can still be aware of how some people may not experience the same thing I do, and how I was still able to burn out even though I've meditated at least once a day since April this year. So these things are definitely not black and white. It's not impossible to heal from depression, but knowing that also comes with the awareness of how much I used to believe it was and how much that shaped my mindset - especially when I made my video on toxic positivity. I also have an awareness on how I still may sometimes think that there's a risk of me getting ill again or worse just because that's the statistics and that's what the mental health care says... but I choose to focus on the possibility that it won't. Doesn't mean I'll avoid my feelings or avoid the possibility completely, but I choose to focus on the possibilities that actually benefit my growth in this life. I like to remind myself of how much I love this planet and the experience of living at times to remind myself of why I'm still here.

  • The part where you said "you give them all these solutions but sometimes they just wanna vent" rlly hit home. For some reason, everyone around me gets upset/mad at me when i try to get smth off my chest, which makes me feel guilty about feeling bad... Now i only vent to myself.

  • yes finally. positive is annoying as hell

  • The people running self-care social media pages: oh you're depressed? Drink water and smile!

  • It’s hard to be positive sometimes you just need a good big cry cuz shits difficult yo

  • I'm with you 100%. I don't know if you've ever heard of Focusing -- the International Focusing Institute has channel on ESmain -- Focusing is a way of "being with" how you feel in a way that is so self-respectful and somehow allows me to feel my emotions in a way that isn't wallowing in them. Anyway the point being that I am with you. I'm glad you are able to articulate what is bothersome about having your friend talk to you that way. In the past, I might have been guilty of talking that way to people, so it's good that you can say in such a straightforward way why it isn't helpful

  • Your videos are absolutely not negative. They're about REALITY!

  • I get this from my mom- I'm told to "give it to god"; which, she knows I'm atheist. But maybe it'll be the one thing to bring me back to god! 🙄

  • I dont really know if what happened to me is toxic positivity, but i think its worth sharing. There was this post on fb that stated "i only want clear skin" and below was a photo with a clear skinned cheek. I commented on that post, saying something along the lines of "hey, i have clear skin without doing anything special, i think its genetic lottery" and also attached a photo of me to prove it. I received many likes, many people complimented me saying that im beautiful and i have a nice skin and i thanked them for that. And then there was that girl that tagged me and said something like "yeah, thats cool and all, you're beautiful but dont post pictures like that because some people dont feel good about themselfs because they have acne" and then proceeded to guilttrip me into feeling ashamed of myself because i dont have skin problems, while also saying that everyone is beautiful in their own way. 🤔

  • Love the hair

  • I’m a natural pessimist but toxic positivity is even worse 💁🏻‍♀️

  • is this the life advice of Shay Carl from shaytards: ''choose happiness'' ????? He cheated on his wife and is now divorced. so it doesnt work.