This footage changed me

Publicado el 9 sep 2020
Be careful (especially on TikTok with the current situation) on all platforms. There will always be people trying to disturb and negatively affect others. And if you're morbidly curious, I highly encourage stopping yourself from giving into that curiosity or you might not only regret it, but be traumatized.
To be noted, this is not me trying to make any tragedy about myself, but rather explaining what occurred to me.
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  • Wow, when I was young we actually went through shit for our trauma.... U watched a video n got traumatized? That's the state of our young people huh.... Great

  • I remember being on Facebook and some jerk off posted video a woman who was stabbed to death on the Red Line (L Train) in Chicago in a pool of her own blood. Her stabbing made the news (in Chicago) and it was tragic. Nobody on the damn train stepped in to help her because the ex-boyfriend (I think he was) claimed he is HIV or AIDS positive. So one would confront him. It pisses me off that people in general film others getting to fights, killed, fighting, robbed, etc. Does anyone have heart any more?

  • Sharing a video of something horrible that has happened in real life to show how reality looks like because of how often it's been censored to the point of being turned into fake thanks to a certain type of authoritarians is one thing, doing it just for fun is another thing entirely.

  • Omg I go the the Er thinking I’m having heart attacks I thought I was crazy but just anxiety

  • This is a little late but, *hugs*

  • I get how seeing shock footage can change you forever. I remember as a kid, I came across footage from an old like.. boy scout leader, I think he was at least. He would take the kids out on camping trips, and repeatedly hang them from trees with a noose until they would pass out. Then he would pick them up until they came back and he would do it again. Not gory, not all that scary, even. Not a drop of blood to be seen, the footage itself was in black and white so it wasnt even that graphic in itself, but it burned itself into my brain permanently though. It changed the way I look at people forever and ever since I think twice about being alone with anyone. Since then I saw worse things in person, sadly. When you really see the monstrous capability of people to harm one another, for no reason other than to please themselves.. There are many days I wish I could die just to escape from the knowledge that has been forced on me. I wish I could trust strangers. Once you have your eyes opened, they truly never close again.

  • [TW] I used to be in an anime whatsapp chat and some of these ppl were just weird and creepy. I wasn't involved in their conversations often but I saw the pictures they sent and they literally sent pictures of dead people... for example after a car crash and you could clearly see them with their injuries and i know there was a really really bad picture but i can't remember what it was exactly... I don't know how someone can find stuff like this entertaining. I think what is saving me from having to think abt it is the fact that it just seems so unreal... You are wondering if you're really seeing a dead person on the picture or not

  • I know this is about the mosque shootings and that guys suicide...Im sorry for all of that. Its horrible. But the video that traumatized me didnt even involve people. It involved cats. A guy...was torturing and killing cats...I had been watching alot of cute cat videos to help me to heal from the loss of my baby, Bella. she was the sweetest little tabby....i still cry myself to sleep at night because i miss her so much. The last thing I needed to see was...that video...the tabby cat duct tapped to a pole...and the bathtub....Its been a year, and I still see it...I cant get the images out of my head. Why would someone do that?...It was supposed to be a cute cat video...It was supposed to help me heal from a loss. Instead, I'm so far deep into this depression and trauma, that I'll never get out. Its all I see when i close my eyes at night.

  • I came across it before I even knew what it was and I didn't even know how to react. I don't understand how people found that funny

  • What do you think of security surveillance as a way to cope with your phobia? Do you think that it will account for your needs of security whilst being alone in your own home?

  • Trauma resulting from witnessing videos is a real thing. There's a case called Alcock & ors v Chief Constable of South Yorkshire [1992] AC 310 where the media broadcasted a disaster that happened on Hillsborough football stadium in England (basically, people were panicking and stepping on other people). People watching the disaster developed severe psychiatric illnesses and mental harm, and they all went to court to receive compensation for the mental damage the broadcast caused. It was recognised that the mental harm was real and actual -- unfortunately the case failed as the court realised there was no way the government could pay all these people, or prioritise who to pay first. But yes, trauma from watching videos is very real, there's nothing embarrassing to admit about. The fact that you've made such recovery from it and is strong enough to talk about it shows that you've got a strong gut.

  • Don't try to downplay that. The trauma is real and what has happened to you is real. What happened to them is real. It's all real. Going to a therapist was an amazing idea, getting help is the best idea. My family is poorer so therapy isn't an option

  • I checked one of this accounts videos and it was a clip of a bts concert. It started normally so I continued. Bad idea. some military guy had his head decapitated by another mility force. The thing that scared be was, first there was someone on your screen and it's like it banished and all you see are the remains... A corpse this led me to a site that had gore everywhere. Rape murder it was scary. I couldn't stop watching but I was mortified like I couldn't stop it. It left me unable to sleep and I now have a more "realistic" view on everything

  • What happened was my sister told me some ig account was putting scary clips into bts vids

  • I'm 14 and I had something like this happen

  • my grandparents were involved in a murder suicide around two years ago, i was very close with them. i can't imagine somebody sharing that footage around and making memes out of that. it's disgusting how sick people can be in their heads to think that is comical.

  • This text is an inquiry only on the subject of this video being used as a "shocking joke". Here are people who say How can you find it funny to trick people to see a horrible video? They clearly don't know about the old internet, I also don't support it, since the old internet jokes were generally horrible videos for being horribly scary, horribly disgusting or sexually horrible, this is humanly or vicerally horrible, they do not generate the same in the body as a rickroll, an obey the walrus, a goatse, a 2 girls one cup, it's more like video 1444 but worse because it has more quality.

  • Jeeeeez all that over a link that spooked you for 5 minutes that you chose to continue to watch jesus christ lmao

  • I seen a gif of it and omg i wish I could of stopped him or something. I hope my husband never does anything like this or anyone I know this is so sad please people dont take your life if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you i may not know everything or the answers but I'm willing to try and help and understand to the best of my ability

  • Your beautiful. Don’t say you feel stupid for feeling for others, the fact that you care is important.

  • This is a healthy concern as you are in the public eye, but don't make celebrity money so you can't afford proper security

  • I also have ptsd and have a strong stomach. I’ve given my friend stitches while in the back country- but I’m also a victim of child S abuse and can’t handle that kind of stuff

  • Lol i just cant even watch this right now. Covid made my anxiety worse on top of lots of other terrible things that happened this year this video is making me paranoid lol

  • man I saw the whole NZ video and I don't think it'll ever get out of my head

  • damn, i remember this... first time ive seen the video was truly horrifying... but the ?? part for me that sometimes i watch these kinds of videos. so yeah... rest in piece

  • It's because it's a glimpse of our mortality and the end that we all face. And it's something most people these days don't see in the flesh. We used to, with viewings before funerals being held in the "living room", which is why it was renamed that. Gore has never bothered me, it's the odd faces and/or body movements and sounds that bother me more than the blood and guts, but even then it doesn't haunt me to any serious degree. I was raised around death though, with several funerals early on, being raised as a hunter, a desire to be a criminal profiler and thus viewing serial killers and their work, and a mom that worked in the ER a lot. You'd think you'd be "cool" with gore, given your tats and interest in horror. Obviously I get why, given your explanation. Regardless, it's supremely fucked up to hide a clip like that, even if the person is like me. At best, it's a major mood killer, and at worst, well, you said it. Thanks for the heads up and sorry to hear the PTSD/anxiety has been so rough for you. Here's hoping it dulls over time. 😉🙏

  • IM

  • tiktok needs to die period. point. blank.

  • I’m so glad I never had tiktok, having no social media is awesome. They’re trying to desensitize people.

  • I had an ex show me a video on youtube of a police officer with a body cam getting shot with a shot gun and you can hear him gurgling and begging for his life...I still get super upset thinking about it 8 years later

  • I will never tolerate the people who enjoy watching rape and murder even it's fake.

  • @Nitofex I apologize but I cannot find the original thread. You asked me: "Wouldn't that be more like desensitization to trama?" My Answer: I see how you can make that connection but unfortunately no. Trauma Is something so scarring that it changes who you are. Trauma is what is behind PTSD. Teams keeps you up at night. Trama gives you panic attacks and increased anxiety. Desensitization to gore or violence is the opposite. No effect on the person. You can sleep. No panic attacks, no anxiety. No change in the person. I hope this information helps.

  • i can take gore, but nothing with animals. people always send me that video of the snake biting a puppy in the face. it’s fucking horrible, i feel this.

  • I have morbid curiosity and diagnosed ptsd so I feel you

  • Thanks for the PSA. My brother-in-law was also talking about this the other day. I remember many years ago a friend of mine who was the same age as me (mid-30's) watched that video of the US hostage being beheaded when it was first uploaded to the internet and he was really traumatised. He told me, almost in tears, that he couldn't unsee it and he wished he could. We were both horror buffs, and after what he told me I knew then and there that there are some thing I just don't need to see.

  • I don’t mind gore at all, real or fake it doesn’t matter. but I know a lot of people who would be really fucked after watching this shit. How could you be such a selfish asshole to just send this to someone? Like what, you’re trying to look edgy or something? That’s just messed up.

  • Hug your Amy(gdala)! I have this issue to and totally off my meds cuz when symptoms are bad I can’t remember or focus on anything. I can relate.

  • PTSD is a very real thing. You experienced it from the shock of the video.

  • I wish I could say this disturbed me

  • I’m a young teen. When I tell you I was SCARED. I was shaking and crying. I felt so bad. And some people were JOKING about his death. What kind of monster does that?!

    • @Jimins so Called AccidentWhat do you mean by "feeling bad"? Can you explain it?

    • @I don't know. I just exist. I’ve told my mom and she helped me calm down. For the first week of seeing the video, I was having nightmares and i was scared to fall asleep. But I’m way better now and I’m not scared anymore. I just feel really bad.

    • The only people that send people videos of things like these are psychopaths. Have you told your parents about this? Do you experience nightmares or flashbacks? Things that traumatize you such as these videos, can give you trauma disorders, like PTSD.

  • Hypervigilance. It's a terrible experience

  • TW: violence There’s a video ON ESmain of a politician who, after having some corruption allegations thrown his way, shot himself through the roof of the mouth during a speech. There were people there and cameras rolling. ESmain allows this video on the website for “historical and educational” purposes. Usually you find this kind of stuff on LiveLeak, not ESmain! Also, he was innocent of the charges brought against him and the guy who tried to frame him did it to get a lighter sentence for himself. I’m not going to give his name and I don’t want anyone here to give it either. It’s too easy to find the video if you know his name.

    • i saw the video of the guy shooting his head on youtube because i was curious, i think it might be taken down now but I also saw a 14 year old girl ( at the time ) jumping off a building which was taken in 2013 i think

  • I have morbid curiosity, but not for suicide videos/pictures..

  • I still do that, I freak out when I’m home alone

  • Me and my boyfriend watched "Black kkk klansman" not to give any spoilers, but the movie ended on a funny moment. However out of nowhere, the screen goes black, and real life, close up footage of terrorists mowing a crowd of protesters down with a van begins to play. No trigger warning or anything. Absolutely horrifying.

  • My cousin sends traumatic videos to family and friends because he thinks it’s funny.

  • i'm so glad i have friends now who care enough to have warned me about this as soon as they found out about it. i'm a huge fan of horror fiction but seeing actual real footage of someone in extreme agony or dying is something completely different. when i was around 14 i had friends show me real gore videos of both people and animals being tortured and killed and now at age 22 i can still remember it all so vividly. whats even more fucked up is that when i confronted them and asked them why the fuck they kept showing me shit like that they told me they thought my reactions were funny. it's not fucking funny. i can still hear the screams.

  • This is sickening. It's seriously worrying people think acting this way is in any way ok 😔💜

  • My bf and my mom (who is just like me) are used to me being a but paranoid, (relates to my childhood) every morning I walk inti my house (even thoe I know my dog bites intruders) I do a sweep with my dog and a weapon. When I go out to the car I usually scope around and usually have a hidden knife at my thigh or in my hand. Im not scared thoe just oddly prepared for an attack (its weird cause I never panick). I hate standing in lines cause I can't watch the person behind me...shit like that. My paranoia has actually saved me twice so im not looking to change lol

  • I remember being at work and one of my colleagues showed me the New Zealand shooting, they didn’t find it funny but I think it entertained them in a way so they showed me saying ‘look it’s so awful’. I was literally traumatised for the rest of my shift. I don’t understand people that can literally watch people get tortured/killed like it’s day time tv.

  • I'm terrified of people coming in to my house, and hiding in our house, have been all my life. I never realized it wasn't actually normal to go rounds and check that there's no one there. Feel a little silly now

  • Nobody in their right mind would actively attempt to traumatize other people with shit like this, especially not their own friends. This stuff absolutely sticks with you and weighs on your mind, and you don’t wish that kind of thing on anybody.

  • Your absolutely right. Ppl can become traumatized by seeing something. And just like you said have constant fear. It changes you

  • I've seen real blood/gore before, but never have I seen something so horrifying as the Mcnutt suicide video, it's worse than anything gory on the deep web even. I came across it just before seeing this video, and I'm still shaking. It's fucked up that something so gruesome is referenced as a joke by some people on Twitter and other outlets. It's safe to say the image of the aftermath will haunt me for the rest of my life, my condolences to the man's family and prayers to Ronnie himself. I'm sure he's in a better place now.

  • Reminds me of the time someone sent me a ESmain link of a video of a guy in like his late 50s or early 60s shooting himself in front of everyone in jury or something. I was like 12. And though it didn't leave any like trauma, I still have the clear image in my head to this day.

  • Why does she sound like she's about to cry any second

  • I'm sorry that happened to you, & now I wonder if there's sumthin wrong w/me, b/c I have seen so *much* real gore footage, that i am almost numb to it. Some of it is too disturbing & sickening, & I can not look. But more often i close it b/c seeing *another* person getting shot, beheaded, or bisected by trains has become boring. Not b/c I feel traumatized, panicked, or deeply saddened. Did I break myself?

  • my brother showed the video to me when he walked up to me one night. i wasn't scared as im ok with lowkey gore, but what disappointed me most is that he found it funny. :(

  • I have also seen some very disturbing things online that I didn't ask for and it has deeply affected me. I think most people would be affected negatively by seeing something so horrible and especially when your're not prepared for it. Never understood how such videos don't include a "warning".

  • is there anywhere where it’s still up?

  • This is the kinda shit that'll change you son

  • This is the kinda shit that'll change you son

  • I got so many people asking me for links to the chch shooting. I was like 'even if i had seen it i would not share it'. People who do this stuff are sadists IMO. Possibly a little bit more salty because of the fact that the shooter got driven off the road right infronny of my house. Way too close for comfort

  • Bruh you made me realize that I do the exact same thing.. every little sound or bump I hear I get this irrational anxiety that someone is going to break in, and I wont wear headphones a lot because of it as well.

  • I watched a video of a girl being beheaded and I couldn’t stop watching it. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop but it still haunts me and even just thinking about it sometimes triggers a panic attack. I sometimes seek out videos like that because my curiosity overrides my self preservation or something. I always regret it but I can’t make myself stop. I hate it :(

  • A fair warning, the comment section is filled to the brim with oversensitive crybabies

  • Morbid curiosity is absolutely awful. I have seen so much shit I wish I didn't. It's not cool or edgy. I can usually get over medical kind of gore, but holy crap, it's nothing compared to seeing someone's entire existence end. It disgusts me that someone would do this to another person. It's absolutely horrible.

  • I had debilitating anxiety like that..... Psychedelics healed me. I am free.

  • Tbh, I don't really get traumatized or screwed up after seeing things like that, but I feel for people who do. I would NEVER just send a video like that to my friends or family EVER. It is one thing to see it and not be bothered by it, it is a whole other thing when you start advertising it to other people thinking it's funny. It is NOT funny. Whoever you people are, you are horrible and need to get help for whatever God complex you have. My thoughts go out to anyone who ever has seen or will see these videos and feel messed up by them and to the families who lost loved ones in these tragedies. Don't feel like you can't talk to some one about it. Please do.

  • As Someone with Schizophrenia, I Really feel for you, though my Paranoid moments are few and fair between the moments of them are not fun at all. I even catch myself Scanning Streets was I walk, even after I have crossed for It's more then just cars I need to look for when I am on my walks.

  • As someone who has trauma from gun violence inside my home as a child I can say I cannot go inside of a shooting range without having a panic attack it was so long ago you’d think I’d be fine but no I realize I’m better with maybe outside shooting but even then I can’t be that close because I have sensory issues which include sound. I also have paranoia of home invasion though it’s gotten better because I thought someone was breaking in (it was actually the realtor) but I didn’t know that I was left alone at home I was 17 and no one told me she was coming by so I was freaking out and called 911 stupid part is the police was like why didn’t you ask who was there? If I know no one is coming by and the person doesn’t even knock and just starts fidgeting with the door knock and trying to unlock it what do you think I’m gonna do I’m a small female 17 year old I’m not gonna make myself known? But since I have schizoaffective disorder my hallucinations after that was having a solid black mass outside the house and having the delusion of someone’s outside the outside the house they’re coming to get me. It’s a shit show really and I hate it

  • Man, I wish this video was older... I've accidentally watched real footage of something very traumatic (don't even wanna mention it) out of morbid curiosity back in 2012 when I was a teen and I still get flashbacks of the video to this day. I can say it has negatively affected the way I dealt with similar traumatic situations I've been in later in life...

  • I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate on a deep level. We had a shooter across the street, facing my daughters room. I had swat at my door. It put me through so much trauma I didn't even step outside of my house for over a month. Its been almost 3 months now and I'm still dealing

  • My 10 yrold sister seen it now she want eat or sleep and when she dose she wakes up crying

  • Unfortunately my friend experienced being shocked by that tiktok video and so was I, usually I can handle gore because I’ve seen a lot more than I have ever should’ve. But it messed me up a lot and sometimes I just can’t unsee it and get my mind off of it- even almost a month later

  • I accidentally saw a video of the Beirut blast wave. I was tricked into seeing it; I didn't want to see it because I am an empath and things like that affect me for years or for life. So I know what you're talking about. I understand. Hubby saw it and his demeanor didn't change. I saw it and I was sobbing and shaking for about 30 minutes afterwards. I'll never be able to forget it unfortunately.

  • Not sure what to make of this but I'm gonna put it out there, I'm a 90s kid I grew up to pain Olympics - Bjork stalker suicide footage - 2girls1cup - random terrorist beheadings, and I remember everyone my age thinking it's badass to watch this kinda shit without getting caught by the adults... It was messed up but not traumatizing, and the real effect it had on me is that today there no footage out there that can affect me in any way, shape or form.

  • Sounds like you are blaming your ex-friend for a panic disorder you acquired?

  • I really empathize with this. I haven't had anything traumatic happen to me but a long time ago I realized that I can't even watch gory movies. It was when the Saw movies were in their heyday. Something about seeing people suffer, even when it's fake, causes me severe anxiety and in extreme cases I get strange pains out of nowhere. This is especially true if the gore is centered around eyeballs and knees. Idk why but those trigger tf out of me.

  • This topic is incredibly pertinent right now with a lot of graphic footage of police brutality circulating online. It's a difficult tightrope for me, as someone typically able to watch graphic footage, because I want those who don't believe that this terrible stuff is happening to have to see this hard-to-watch footage. If that's the only thing that will convince them that police brutality is a huge problem in America, then so be it. But then on the other hand, this footage, though somewhat easy for me to watch, can be incredibly troubling for some other people, especially the people of color who are so easily able to imagine themselves in these same situations.

  • That video made me feel terrible, as someone who's been there and sometimes still thinks about things like that , it made me sad. Every time I close my eyes I see it, and the video replays in my mind, and it's just sad, I think like, what if that was me, or any of my friends. I just want the family and friends to know that even though I'm not religious, my heart truely goes out to you and I hope your wound heals soon ❤️

  • "If you liked this suicide, please like and subscribe, it really helps the channel out!"

  • My brother always posts gore on his WhatsApp status and Ive had the unfortunate luck of seeing it,, The ones I saw was people being dismembered,,, it left me terrified and most of all disgusted of how my brother can just post that shit.. He even tried tricking me into looking at that shit, i'm not naïve and saw some part of the screen and left tho,, i even came across a video of a child being run over on twitter I wanted to disappear just,, what fucking World thinks someone's demise is 'entertainment''

  • i saw the bianca devins pictures without expecting it. i still think about it at night sometimes.

  • When I was young I didn’t understand how accurate the phrase ‘Curiosity kills the cat’ is. As an adult now I would give many, many things to go back to not understanding so painfully clearly.

  • Someone would have to be truly fucked up in the head to watch and spread that video around to unsuspecting people. My heart goes out to his friends and family. Rest in peace.

  • Me and my friends had a lot of homework so I told him I had to stay up late to do it. He ended up sending me a video of someone shooting himself, saying that it would help keep me up to finish my work. I thought nothing of the video for like a minute but it badly affected me for the next view days. It made my stomach feel sick or empty and if I tried sleeping I’d just get flashes of just the video. I had to force myself to forget about it to sleep but even then I can still remember it. Turns out everyone was just sending the video to each other before it got deleted.

  • I've never been able to find an actual link to this. I haven't been able to see anything

    • i intentionally went looking for it and it was awful. his pet walked in and looked really confused, i've heard his mother was watching the livestream. my best friend committed suicide last month and i deeply regret watching the video, it made me cry and go into a panic attack.

  • What type of people find pleasure in seeing others die? And share it?

  • I had a similar experience very recently. My morbid curiosity has always been high so I've watched most of these type of videos I come across, but i never go searching for them. Yet I'll watch them. I've seen most of the well known ones and have watched in the past to understand what people were saying about them or literally just because of fucked up curiosity. About two weeks ago, I stumbled on the video of the two Scandinavian girls being decapitated with axes and I clicked off of it so quickly, and almost threw up and was super shaky and queasy for hours. I think as you get older you get a better grasp on human mortality too. I feel you on this because I feel very traumatized from it and the stories are always so f*cking sad

  • ❤❤❤❤

  • That's why I'm glad I live in Europe where it is illegal to have a gun. I've never heard anyone in here saying they have any fear of being shot because guns are so uncommon to see that it seems just unreal to everyone. Like getting hit by a lightning - you know that's not impossible to happen but it happens so rarely that you don't consider it. But if everyone was just allowed to have a gun in their home or just carry it anywhere I would be so paranoid all the time. I heard that people in the US feel unsafe all the time, no wonder. Filming things like real shootings and murders is extremely sick. Watching it as a random viewer is traumatizing. We watch scenes like that in films, some consider killing and shooting as "cool". But film is a film, and reality is a reality - we need to remember that

  • I guess I was lucky I wasn't traumatised, but I did witness someone share an act of of terrorism on facebook, maybe to share awareness, maybe to shock people, Idk; and at the time, there was a terrorist seige happening near my home city (it was a safe city and it's far enough that multiple provincial border patrols are in place before it could even reach my province, more less my city) but it really threw me off into a light anxiety attack... . (for context put here in the end because trigger ), . . the video was of someone with a bag on his head, restrained, and a person had a knife and cut the neck like as if they were going to kill a chicken for roasting, and the man was squirming before he was flaccid... to this day it is still graphic..

  • I really want to watch this footage and can’t find it anywhere... link anyone??

  • To anyone who hasn’t downloaded TikTok, please don’t. It’s basically Instagram meets the bad side of Reddit.

  • Goddamn I wish I hadn’t seen the video.

  • The footage of the guy blowing the front of his head off is horrible. Yet, it cannot compare to the screams of terror in the NZ attack footage. The former doesn’t bother me much, the latter is something I will never watch.

  • Gore is definitely one of those things that affects you when you first see it. The first suicide video is saw really messed with me. Im totally desensitized now though