I'm not doing well

Publicado el 28 dic 2020
Intro by : dserpentes.carrd.co/

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  • Thank you guys for all the kind words and support. I know many of you are in the same or a similar boat. Keep going. I am rooting for you. 💚

    • Thanks for your honesty, and genuine sincerity. This makes me feel less alone with my depression, body dysmorphia, ED. I absolutely relate, being unable to look in the mirror or photos. Thanks for the good advice. Take care

    • Oh that hoodie hits different

    • I hope the pandemic isnt too harsh glad you found someone to help you through life your a great person

    • We’re rooting for you too 💗

    • @Katie Jo that's a good idea 💡

  • I realize this was a while ago, but needed to find this today... Thank you!

  • Bro this literally hit unbelievably hard

  • Thank you for being so upfront about this. Quarantine times have been incredibly hard, and even when we all know (well, to some extent, considering: Pandemic.) we will get through it, the depression creeps in. I get up during the day and still barely see daylight because my social anxiety (or any exposure to the outside world at this point) has gone through the roof, right at a time in my life that I thought I was doing a lot better. With that said, it is always nice to know you're not alone in feeling these things.

  • I used to feel a huge letdown after Christmas for several reasons. Then my sister, who had MS, got really bad and couldn't take it anymore. She went into the hospital and they gradually increased the morphine until she died. That amplified all the bad feelings. I definitely get it. It's not always the happy, warm fuzzy time of year for everyone. Hopefully, things will get back to normal and next year you can take your vacation to Vegas again. That sounds like a really great idea. I'm going to have to run that by my husband to see if we can do something like that.

  • Thank you so much for sharing. I really get what you said about just repressing feelings. I just say I'm not that hungry because I haven't eaten all day so I'm really not and then I get hungry later or just want to taste something good that makes me happy or whatever so I eat some candy which doesn't help at all and then feel worse about myself. Just like aknowledging it I didn't really realize how little I was eating.

  • I always have assumed I was alone in the way I pathologically avoid looking in any mirror. Thank you for opening up to us, Glare. You're doing amazing champ. 🖤

  • I'm greatful for Zoloft ❤

  • This speaks to me so much.

  • My husband and I love the stuff leading up to Christmas but we don't actually really enjoy Christmas Eve and day. It's all so stressful as an adult. I hope you're doing better.

  • Thanks so much for talking about your regression with ED. I'm surprised how much I apparently needed to hear that someone else is going through something so similar to me. What you said about not being able to look in the mirror or at your own body, and the places your mind goes when you are avoiding seeing anything from the neck down, all of that really resonated with me and my current experience. My dysmorphia is so out of control that it has gotten to that point that I am thinner in my good dreams and way bigger in my nightmares even. I was fairly recovered until I got into a bad car accident a few years ago, gained some weight in a wheelchair, ended up getting super sick for awhile and losing a ton of weight super fast and keeping it off for 2 years by being sick a lot and becoming anorexic again and then suddenly gaining it all back again when I went back on BCP over a few months, and all of that was _BEFORE_ the Pandemic began. I live with CRPS in my right leg and walk with a cane, so it's not like I can just start piling on the cardio, especially since I am so massively physically deconditioned. I really need a physio/occupational therapist but it's just so expensive, plus Covid makes everything difficult even if you can pay. Now it is 2021 and I am literally too afraid to step on a scale, I know I will likely have breached 200lbs at only 5'3 and there are such massive barriers to my losing the weight again. I'm 32, my metabolism has been destroyed, and it would take a combination of dieting *_AND_* exercise to make any progress but physical exercise has been such a difficult thing for me to achieve since my car accident. On top of that, my binge eating has gotten totally out of control. I eat because I have pain, because I am bored, to combat the constant exhaustion I feel from my depression, whatever. I hope you have been feeling better in the New Year since this was made.

  • Here for you

  • I’ve never had harder sleep issues than this time.

  • I don't normally comment on things, but I wanted to share that I fully understand the feelings on not being able to see myself without feeling uncomfortable. I used to get actually physically ill when I saw myself. It had gotten better, but I think it's getting worse again... This feelings is so hard. It's not fun and it's so hard to deal with. Anyway, I'm here if you need to talk to someone about this, if you maybe need to talk to another person who feels this way. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.

  • I'm late to this video, but I'm sending love and prayers! I truly hope you things start to get better and we get the darn vaccines out sooner then later so we can go back to our traditions, traveling and family! This year has been so hard for so many people! I know we don't know each other, but if you need to vent, send me a message! I work weird hours, so I'm up at weird times! Also, if taking a break will help, I don't think you have one fan that would fault you for that! So please do what you need, not what we need! xoxo

  • 2020 has sucked no doubt like I went through a breakup lost my house, dog, my friend and my job. The end of the year comes around I have a much better job a much better car and soon I'll get my own apartment .....but it was rough I was really bad for about 3 months all I did was sleep and work. It was getting to the point I wanted to end it but I started talking to my family (I had to move in with my mom and grandma when I broke up with my ex) and having a sounding board immensely helps. Bottling up my emotions is when I get all deathy even if you can't talk to people around you use the quick memo on your phone and write down what your feeling later when your eyes are dry and you can breathe again read it and be like yes but I'm valid in thinking that.

  • I know that no one is going to see this but I have no where else to talk about it. I’m utterly falling apart right now in all aspects. I have relapsed with self harming after being clean for about 6 months. I struggle to get out of bed. I’ve dealt with sleep issues all my life but now I’m barely sleeping and I also deal with sleep paralysis and nightmares. I’ve had a shitty high school life that just doesn’t seem to end. I’ve struggled with eating right. I don’t know if it counts as a full eating disorder especially because I never got diagnosed so I don’t want to self-diagnose that. But I rarely have more than one small meal a day and struggle with looking in the mirror as well. I can’t find something that I like about myself. But I’m just struggling and was before the pandemic and it’s just been getting worse and worse. If anyone sees this, I just needed someone to listen because my family and friends won’t. Have a good day lovelies. You’re doing what you can

  • Hi⚡️💚⚡️ I know what it’s like. I have mental health issues. Take Care 🌟💫🖤🖤🖤💫🌟 🌟💫🤗🤗🤗💫🌟 🌟💫♥️♥️♥️💫🌟

  • My US$ 100.oo: Watch Neon Genesis Evangelion the series and then The End of Evangelion the movie. Everything will make sense and will also be better! 😇

  • Omg thank you, as soon as u started this conversation I thought you were describing me!

  • I feel you girl....im trying to plan a trip next month in Florida to get me some sun!!it helps my depression...sun...outdoors...feel better! Love your channel.

  • I’ve never heard a more accurate representation of body dismorphia and as someone who’s struggled with that a lot I think knowing you aren’t alone is the first step to recovering. Thank you for taking the time and energy to make this video and I wish you the best.

  • I live in Las Vegas. It’s my hometown

  • I'm totally right there with you babe, im really sad to hear you are having such a horrible moment but you definitely have lots of love here🖤 My children are gone and Christmas/holidays and their birthdays will always have such a dark shadow hanging over them for the rest of my life. especially christmas, it's definitely the hardest. forced into being a childless mother is daily the most intensely painful waking nightmare I will never escape and I wouldn't wish on my biggest enemy.

  • We love you your inspirational to a lot of us guys keep you head up🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️🤼‍♀️

  • you are so strong! take a break

  • I wake up expecting to hear that Sonny & Cher song 'I Got You, Babe' to be playing every morning like Groundhog Day.

  • At the moment I try to recover and finally get better after more than one year being depressed and isolating myself. The virus makes it really hard to see people (I really need to socialize to not fall back into habits and get better) but I try to eat at least twice a day, keep my windows not coverd so that my room is fluded by daylight and get up at 12pm

  • I swear listening to you talk is like listening to my inner thoughts

  • I have a similar view of my body due to lockdown. I can't wear tight fitting clothes anymore because I can't stand to look at my own body. Even when I was at my thinnest and participating in cross country running, I thought my body was gross. I've tried to denie it for a long time but with this video I realize that this is a problem that has affected me throughout my life. To anyone also struggling know that we will get through this.

  • im so fucking glad theres people who get it omg. i feel the same with christmas,like it used to have that spark like you said and as i got older its like..the wonder was suddenly ripped out. i mean i love winter and i find it relaxing,but christmas is so much more stressful.its kind of how i have that gripe with thanksgiving and i kinda celebrate it only to give thanks but after a traumatic event in my life i havent fully celebrated it. ive found specific ways to cope and last years went well. for christmas how i kinda try to cope through it is i watch horror movies relating to christmas and my favorite go to is krampus,alot of people may be like tf why the negativity and its not that,i just LOVE horror movies and plus find these sort of folk tales so interesting as my family isnt american theres so many traditions,but my parents do the normal christmas stuff,they arent as festive and i just like to decorate or give it a lil twist where its abit spooky,so each year its like watching krampus brings me back to when me and my friends would watch the movie and goof off on christmas eve and it helps me get through it. and i totally felt the new years thing. i always wanted to go out and celebrate for it since even being an introvert i still love to just go out and live atleast. but ofc the pandemic and all its like naaah. but new years is one of my fave time of the year celebrations,cuz for one music,and also even if this year started out like shit atleast i had fun before it got that way lol i also have depression and cptsd and autism and it can really just flare up towards the end of the year. and growing up and being raised by a strict and abusive father its like the sec you get older you just kinda go wild like holy shit i can actually celebrate and do what i want???? i can go out??? i dont gotta dress in a way that makes me look normal anymore?finally. but this was awesome and relieving that you posted this,its helped me atleast to realize im not alone on that especially with the pressures of expectations and then realities. You've helped so much through these trying times and honestly you're one of the youtubers i watch that just 'gets it'. Thank you💚

  • So I deal with body image issues too. About 6 months ago I was at my fittest when my half brother died. I was raised in a cult and moved around a lot so I really relate to your feelings of disruption and loss. My recently passed half brother was the one who inspired me to someday escape. I spent many years alone and forced into child labor and I’ve found the lockdown has brought up a lot of old feelings again. More than anything I miss my brother- and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I can’t actually afford to gain weight because I have health conditions that cause joint pain when I gain weight so it’s just become a vicious cycle. Tbh I’m probably not even very heavy but the pain becomes a huge problem. This might sound silly but make sure you’re getting a vitamin d supplement. Not getting any sunlight must be doing a number on all of us. Another thing I try to do is make a promise to do a single minute of exercise per day- that way it’s something I can tackle and when I go over one minute I feel like I’ve gone above and beyond. It also gets people back in the habit of being kind to their bodies just to be kind. I also find Im way more critical of my body than when I see other women of really any shape or size. So I’ve found patting a body part I’m not fond of and just thinking “it’s the shape of a woman “ or when a joint is hurting me I just think “it carries me” for a second of gratitude whilst acknowledging my own experience. Just little phrases to counteract a negative viewpoint I’ll have of myself and my body. Maybe phrases like that will help you too. Who knows?

  • I relate to this so much 🥺❤️

  • Both of my parents are dead, and my dad died January 11th if 2019 nothing has felt the same since that happened, so I completely get the whole feeling super sad around the holidays thing...

  • The pain in your voice is evident. I really hope you can get through the waves of that depression and remind yourself that your body is strong to get you to where you are now. If small goals mean all you manage to do is wake up and use a face wipe to make yourself feel a little refreshed and having something to eat then take it as a win. Small goals. Small gains. Things are hard right now and you can't hold yourself to standards that would have made sense in another time. You're exhausted and your body is telling you that you need to rest. Be completely selfish and just do self care, in small spurts till you want to rest again. Treat yourself as if you are nursing a broken bone. Your heart and head need to heal too. Something that helped me was cutting out social media for a week and it was refreshing. Since then I just limit my time online to things I need to research or things that make me feel good like watching live aquariums or puppies. It meant cutting out a lot of things I used to follow and comment on because I had to ask myself if the effort spent would result in me feeling down. There's topics my curiosity would like to know about, there's music I'd like to hear, but right now if those things have a potential to drag me down it's best to find something lighter to watch and listen to. I hope you can feel some relief, you are not alone.

  • This is very needed. I’m glad you made this video. We’re all in this together

  • I jjust started Hrt and it sreally stressing me out how my family wont accept my gender identity and things arent working out very well for me i dont see th epoint in anything anymiore and i just wanna disappear foreever

  • I can’t stop smoking weed and I’m not over my ex I dated for like a month 6 years ago. I hate my body and my brain. Thank u

  • 🖤🖤🖤

  • Can't watch due to serious ED/BodyDis triggers ( thank you so much by the way for including warnings-I know "triggers" have so unfortnately become a meme and joke but to those of us who are battling, they are a kind and such an understanding gesture.) Either way I'm not one to leave comments often but wanted to tell you how I admire and appreciate you and whatever it is you're struggling with know you're a part of a lot of similar people's lives(not in a creepy way I hope) who are inspired and empowered by your strength. Please please always take care of your self. You are worth it.

  • I’ve been binging your latest videos-always used to see your videos in recommended but for whatever reason I never subscribed?! And I though oh shit I haven’t watched ready to glare in a minute and immediately subbed because I feel like I know you now. I really appreciate your take on basically everything-even a week late this video spoke to me right on time. Thank you 🖤🖤🖤

  • thank you fort his video honestly, im a streamer and havnt been able to pick myself up and do it because of the holidays being such a hard time of year and didn't realize other even bigger content creators also struggle with this, i have crippling depression around this time of year and this year was the worst yet, this made me feel like i didnt have to feel guilty for that. much love keep up the awesome work.

  • Girl I've been a wreck this whole winter. I feel you and support you boo

  • I totally resonate with what you're going through. I always seem to get super depressed around Christmas for no apparent reason. Which ends up making me even more depressed because I know there's so many other people out there that actually have it bad. I'm starting to think it's just from lack of vitamin D I need some sun ❤️Air hugs to you❤️

  • Same! I've been in China for 2 years and don't know if or when I can go back home to see my family. Christmas was rough this year.

  • I absolutely DESPISE the holidays. I have FOUR places to go and I can't miss any of them. I hate it so much. I just want to be left alone. It's so stressful and exhausting. I'm a huge introvert and bring forced to go through socializing for 15 hours straight fills me with dread and anxiety.

  • Thank you sweetheart I NEEDED to hear you. Very much so. 💕⭐️👍you are strong and I understand in my own way, being Me, not You or anyone else, the time warp thing, only I can’t sleep for 3-4 nights and I can’t sleep in daylight. So then I hallucinate etc. Also, Related to the Ed. And dis. Eating. It’s been forever it seems for me. I’m a lil older than you I’m pretty certain, back when I had my “girl interrupted” hospitalization at 15/16/17, in the 80’s(it really is TERRIFYING ) since then I’ve just been dealing on my own....went on to have my own family which was good and difficult(my eldest son has autism also) for everyone at times, thankfully mostly good until 7 yrs ago...... For everyone at times. Lots of guilt and shame etc. I’m in therapy again which Thank God, but at the same time “oh crap!” 3 times this month I am going. Plus other therapies and such from my stroke and cardiac arrest, then the 2 car wrecks I was in 14 months.the past 4 yrs has been super crazy awful for lengthy periods of time. Man, I thought winter was for the pigeons before! ; Canadian winters super suck when you are in a chair......🦽 BUT...even if I want to go to sleep and leave it all behind like what partially got me on a 21 day hold over the holidays....; I have this amazing 13 yr old son, who has Autism, ADD , and Tourette’s. and I HAVE LOVED THE HECK OUT OF THAT Blue-eyed boy of mine SO MUCH! (He was a surprise, everyone one else is 9.5 yrs+ older in their 20’s. I began my family at 19, not planned by me but purpose has been clear at times..... But all this to say; I love it when you said ~~~ “well we all have a 100% positive track record of getting through the shit!” ~~~I NEVER HAD EVER seen it that way, but I am alive and even on the days I’m just about catatonic, I’m still inside here trying to make it through. THANK YOU!! And I hope it’s cool if I pray for you , it’s just something I do...lol. Love your channel even though I’m not a very good or super commenter, I’m around. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 P.s. have u got a P.O. Box or such?

  • I cried alone in a bathroom on NYE and I completely understand this lack of ability to see the future. It’s hard but once we make the active decision to keep living, our human resilience finds a way. I believe in you and I love that you have the incredible support from your husband and your mother. We, your fans, also support your mental health as best we can. Take all the time you need. Address what you need to address. I will always be grateful to you because you are one of the main reasons I sought out a therapist. Life changer. You’re an incredible human being and I just want to thank you for your strength. You may not see it, but you are stronger than you know. Lots of love, GC ❤️ stay safe 💓

  • Your first comments from the begging to 1:20 hit so hard!!! Finally someone who can understand me! I was adopted at eight years old and I loved Christmas before I came to the US. Now I really don’t care for Christmas and I don’t look forward to presents or spending the time with my adoptive family. Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate it.

  • Thank you for sharing this. I'm struggling with a regression in my body image issues as well and depression too. And anxiety. And all the other undiagnosed shit. It does help knowing we're not alone, so thanks for sharing ♥️

  • I hope you feel better soon. We love you. ❤️

  • Positive energy love, and thank you for helping us feel less isolated. I personally am being watched very closely ATM bc I am underweight {fuck Depression} having 2 b very strict about documenting my food intake and bein forced 2 drink Ensure 3x/day its starting 2 give me some ED thoughts even though I haven't dealt w/ that since Middle School. the weigh ins & shit are starting to give reawaken dysmorphic body image and im scared but also scared to talk about it bc my care/crisis team will start watching even closer which im scared will make me feel more hyperaware/hypercritical/ go off the rails. But for what its worth seeing you in that Joker cosplay gave me a mental erection and affirmed my Bisexuality LOL

  • So many ads on this video, trying to make money off of ur suffering?

  • For some reason this popped up in my feed and I’m glad it did, so that I can wish you well 🙂

  • Christmas is awful and it should die off. We need to stop teaching our children outdated religious crap.

  • I think part of the problem for myself is lock down kinda feels like that weird, awkward time between Christmas & new year. Where some things are shut & other things aren't & you've absolutely no idea what day it is or what shop you're able to go to. Everything day just sort of merges into one. Hope that makes sense.

  • I don't know if anybody will read this, but I'll just put it out there. I live in France and we are still in "lockdown". I relate to everything you say. It's hard to work from home, some days I just stare blankly a my screen with the anxiety that my boss is gonna find out I can't do shit, I never struggled with ED or dysmorphia but I feel so empty that I stopped taking care of my body and it's hard to look at myself. I miss my friends but I also don't have the energy to initiate any interaction. Life feels like a big grey void and all I can feel right now is depression and axiety. If anyone out there reads that, just know that you are no alone and that feeling like there's no future is valid and I'm with you.

  • I'm sorry I missed this and I'm sorry to hear about it. Be gentle, make tiny little steps and make sure you're treating your body as kindly as you would any fragile and nervous animal. X

  • Wow so relatable. It’s actually insane how much I have regressed. My sleep schedule is all over the place and never consistent, I wake up anywhere from 9 AM to 6 PM. I sleep well over 12 hours a day. I’m always depressed, always anxious, and my self esteem is rock bottom. It’s crazy I went from having my own marketing company, and meeting with 15 executives a week, to being scared to even leave my house. My eating habits are trash. Often I’m too lazy to make myself good food, and I end up binging late at night. I just don’t even know how to stop. I’m not getting all the nutrition I need either. I spend my days playing WoW and hating myself. And I started self harming for the first time in 14 years. That’s not even all of it either. My psychiatrist put me on way more meds and switched me to pristiq and finally I’m starting to feel sane again. Plus I hung out with my boyfriend’s family for 2 weeks and that helped so much too. I couldn’t afford a therapist last year, but at this point idc. I’ll just charge it to my credit card. Anything to get better. I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling too and everyone else here. 2020 sucked.

  • Ive struggled with body dysmorphia and ive been chubby and then became super thin...and even when i was at my thinnest is still had a problem with my body(i was happy at first but that high subsided and started overanalyzing and criticizing my body again..it didnt matter whether i was thin or fat, my problem was with my "body shape"

  • I 100% appreciate this. I am very grateful and appreciative of this video today. These are all things I am struggling with too. New Years in particular was sooooooo unbelievably rough for me. I felt overstimulated and couldn't reign in my brain the whole day. I honestly sobbed, welled up, wept and cried on and off for 12 hours on the 31st. It was exhausting. I spoke to friends, called my mom, and had the utmost support from my partner and i still felt like i was barely making it through. I've been feeling vulnerable and tender ever since (going back to work with my difficult to get along with co worker did not help), but this video helped today. Putting into words the things we are struggling with are so important. Like you said its not always a comparison, theres no need to always tell ourselves "well others have it worse". Its okay to just be having a rough time and talk about it, as long as we have a grasp on the bigger picture like you said. Its better to create a community where we can all talk to eachother and endeavor to listen and understand than shout eachother down about who is allowed to feel what.

  • Your voice is shaking throughout this video☹️ I REALLY resonate with the “waist up” view these days (I also have h/o ED ) and there’s really no physical reason for it....so you are NOT alone❤️ I really want you to feel better soon😊 You are so beautiful!

  • Stay safe and be kind to your mind we love you . Would you ever consider talking about what caused your depression ? Was it something that happened in your childhood or your PST that caused these horrible thoughts and they way you can’t sleep and have nightmares every night I’m just curious because that would be interesting to hear of course if you’re willing to open up like that on ESmain I mean I’d love to hear your whole story but I understand if you don’t want to do that. Anyway, take care and be strong whatever it is you’re going through

  • Thank you for this. I needed to know that I'm not alone in these thoughts, although I'm now crying alone.

  • You're an incredible human being for talking about this. Amazing, brave, and thank you. We'll absolutely get through this together. Much love. This hit deep. ❤️

  • I agree. I struggle with anxiety and depression. Also as a teen both my parents died around Christmas. My dad 12/7 /79 my mom 1/3/81. I also understand the body dysmorphia. Had weight loss surgery about 7 years ago lost 140 lbs but never felt I looked different. So strange.

  • Getting to this late, but I so get this. It's nowhere in the same category, at all, but I was getting a nice, neat little sleep schedule in order, after YEARS of chronic insomnia, and then...March. And everything after. And...now? Most nights I wake up, some nights I can't go back to sleep, and I get up, and stay up, and...I'm not back to being chronic yet, no, but...I can see it from here. So yeah, I get it. And yeah, I know we get through it, but...forty-seven miles of barbed wire, man. Damn.

  • This is so weird cuz I'm going through the same stuff! Exactly the same! I'm waking up at 4 pm too, and the stuff she said with eating, and loosing the concept of time. I can't believe that I'm not the only one going through that stuff these exact days! I kinda know it will get better, but right now it feels shitty, and you feel stuck...

  • Been feeling worse than usual myself these days, so I hadn't been keeping up with anyone's uploads Something told me to come back and check in for some reason. Much love to you always ♡ Please take care Edit: "My nose dive took a nose dive..." I definitely feel that ):

  • I feel like we are going through the exact same thing. I am also a recovered ED individual and I have been struggling with body dysmorphia since quarantine began. It became exacerbated by the fact that I went through a depressive period during my state's lockdown and I started to overeat and I gained weight. Trying to take this new year as a new beginning and try to reign in some of my negative thoughts and actions. Hope you feel better soon, Glare

  • Have you checked your iron levels (in the blood) or done a blood test recently? I suffer from dysthymia, so I've been depressed for the last 10 years, but lately, it felt even worse and I was so tired, even if I slept 11 hours straight. So I did a blood test and indeed my vitamin D is low, my iron is extremely low, and more... so I've been taking supplements and doing the necessary and I'm starting to feel better, not so tired all the time. still depressed but at least not exhausted. So check your physical condition- it affects your mental state. (although when one is depressed, it's hard to even care about that) Be well.

  • i got out of inpatient treatment last january. then covid happened, and i relapsed :/ you’re not alone, take time off if you want/need to ❤️

  • Same girl same! I'm a pretty positive person too and these last 10 days have been like I'm under a cloud of hopelessness. I am blessed and know I should be grateful for all I have..and I am... but for some reason I feel a sense of doom and utter sadness.

  • I don't believe I have mental illness problems, but I relate to this video a lot. Specifically with the messed up sleep-schedule, in my case, it's very erratic. I don't have nightmares or anything like that but I have some kind of weird sleeping disorder that I've noticed lately where I can stay up for 24 hours straight and then sleep for 12 or more hours. Like just today I woke up at 9am after getting like 8 hours, but just last week I slept from around 5pm to sometime in the afternoon the next day. I'm also eating less. Not really on purpose, I just eat whenever I'm hungry, but I think its because I'm not spending as many calories? I've hardly left my apartment at all, even just to walk around outside. I don't really have a point to this, but even though I'm not having a really bad time this probably isn't good either :/

  • Non avevo mai pensato di voler sempre fare qualcosa di bello il primo dell'anno perché Natale e l'atmosfera natalizia fanno sentire anche me uno schifo, ma potrebbe essere per questo motivo. In più la cosa grandiosa dell'ultimo dell'anno è che non sono costretta a stare con la mia famiglia.

  • I feel this. I have bipolar depression, seasonal depression hits me hard, and a lot of really shitty things happened all at once. I’ve already started to regress in my eating disorder. I’ve gained some weight, weight I worked really hard to lose (I have BED). I’ve been really struggling and it really sucks

  • Thank you glare, I've been dealing with anxiety and I've felt like I'm a failure for not being able to get my shit together. I have felt like I can't do anything right... But I feel grateful that you made this video, so thank you! And I'll eventually get better. Hope is the last thing you loose

  • I struggle a long time before christmas because of my eating disorder. I've always loved christmas. I still do and I want to enjoy it and all the good food, but I start getting anxious about it about two months ahead of time and go back and forth between just letting me eat a little, or to let myself eat anything I want. For me it gets easier when I allow myself to eat what I want only that specific day because then I know I wont be able to eat aaloooot, but still as much as I feel like in one day. The thing with christmas though is that I've always enjoyed it for more than just a day because of certain traditions that happen before christmas and on christmas eve and on the day after christmas day, which all involves different kinds of foods or baked goods and the last three years I havent allowed myself to eat other than on christmas day, which makes christmas feel shorter and less fun for me. I hope I can get over it in the future

  • I needed to hear *we're going to be fine* the most❤️💔

  • If it makes you feel any better, is not cause you don’t go out. I think the vibes overall of everyone and everyone’s stress levels affects us all somehow. I’m still going to the office every other day go have a bit of normalcy but have developed severe anxiety (can’t drive cause I start cold sweating, heart palpitations and can’t breathe so I’ve go pull over several times) and a horrible sleeping and eating schedule hahaha. Hang in there. I am currently forcing myself to work out (I love it but lately I don’t have any motivation) and getting some endorphins going, putting fun summer music and just trying to “sweat out” the stress. I also hate my body right now (have dealt with bulimia and anorexia in the past) but my sister is super kind and helps me get those thoughts out of my head, and I try to still dress pretty and think “I love myself, even now and in the future, through all my phases, this is a phase and I have to learn to love me” . Maybe it would help you if you planned cute date nights and dressed up and cook a yummy healthy meal with your husband! And just feel somehow normal. The best of luck to you, I know how it feels. Everything you described is so me, but we gotta push through it and talk to ourselves, encourage ourselves to do what will make our brain start to release what makes us feel good 🤗😊

  • Giulia, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through hell right now. And yes, you're right - just because there's someone out there who's been through or is going through worse doesn't negate the pain you're in. A big reason, I think, that you and so many people (myself included) during the Christmas season feel so anxious, drained, and... well, not wanting to even look at ourselves in the mirror (as best as I can describe it) so often is because we long for our families. It's that time of wanting to come together with people you love. It's a similar thing with New Year's Eve - throwing out the bad year and hoping for a brighter future. It's pretty tough to do when travel is restricted, and also that the governors go on an absolute power trip and lock everyone up. I'm going to be very vulnerable and open here for a moment. I am a Christian, and I _am_ here to say that Jesus is the reason I'm still standing today. Knowing that my story is held in His hands and nothing can snatch me away from Him and His goodness are the reason I didn't end my own life back in 2012 - 2013. I don't want to get into details about that, as it's not pertinent to what I want to say. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. Where I have failed, where I've been completely and utterly broken, God has restored my soul. I encourage everyone who reads this to cry out to God for help. No prayer returns void! I know what it's like to suffer from bad sleep habits. However, I was very alarmed when I heard you mention sleep paralysis. There are many testimonies I've seen that more and more convince me that this is more than a psychosomatic phenomenon. I don't suffer from body dysmorphia, but I have a tremendous amount of compassion for anyone who does. Being obese, I at least understand what it's like to not even want to glance at your reflection. That's a very tough condition to live with. I will pray for you and your husband, Giulia. No one needs to suffer like so many of us have been over most of 2020. Maybe it was just the fireworks, but I had a strange feeling of hope when 2021 came in. God bless you, and everyone else in the comments. I pray anyone reading this is at the very least given an inkling of hope.

  • Thank you for opening up, I feel the same way... I miss the days before the “pandemic” . Nothing feels the same anymore.

  • sending you love, this pandemic has been really hard on those of us who already struggled with our mental health. also I've been loving your cosplays on instagram!

  • Jesus Christ thank you I'm not alone! I don't have an eating disorder but I do have OCD that causes me to count calories and weigh myself multiple times a day (among other things I'd rather not get into), for a while I had it down to twice but in the past few weeks it's been four or five times a day, which makes the calorie counting worse the next day and then a weigh myself even more and it's a mess. While also trying to survive remote college classes and general anxiety and depression I often find myself cycling between feeling completely numb and feeling uncontrollably angry. Finding someone else in a similar life boat reminds me that I'm not the only one and I feel less alone

  • I feel so seen and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending all the love

  • I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now. I sincerely hope that this wave passes, and you can find stability in yourself, and peace with your body. I hope you're able to find your routine again, and that your sleep improves... finally, hoping that 2021 is a more gentle year for folks 🤞 Thank you so much for sharing and being vulnerable, that takes a lot of courage, and I'm sure that this video resonated with a lot of other people, as it did for me ❤

  • I felt everything you said in the marrow of my being. This year seems completely unrelenting. Everytime we think we can't keep going on like this, we find ourselves just doing it. Even if that means getting worse. But things will get better. We can still articulate our spiraling so we're not completely hopeless. As much as I feel like there's no way out some days and the pandemic just continues to make everywhere feel claustrophobic, we've gotten here and it's been pretty fucking awful. Chances are we can do this. You, me and the whole fricken comment section.

  • Long comment here but I just want to say I am so grateful you uploaded this and made me, along with many others, feel less alone with these same or similar types of thoughts and emotions that we are feeling at this time. Thank you for being strong enough to talk about this sort of stuff. It means more than you know. I am not sure if you have seen her channel but there is this channel on youtube called "Nu Mindframe." She has a video on how to re-mother yourself and how to re-father yourself. In the video she talks about nurturing yourself the way a mother would and she talks a lot about how if you grew up with abuse or neglect that you weren't nurtured or loved properly the way a healthy parent/relationship would nurture you and that, growing up, it effects you, and it becomes very important to nurture and soothe yourself the way your mom or dad would (or a healthy parent would) because it's apart of mental health and self care. I struggle with depression as well, and I found her video and advice very helpful. It helped me learn new techniques on how to nurture and soothe myself the way a healthy parent would. I'm in the middle of a pandemic and my friends and family cannot be there to help soothe me physically and emotionally right now like how they used to. I have to learn how to comfort and soothe myself & it's sad. I miss human interaction. Right now, we, as a society, all have to stay 6ft apart, wear masks, air hug, video chat, and stay at home when human connection is key to mental health and wellbeing. It makes things so painful and difficult. It effects those of us who are depressed immensely. That's why it is so important that we take time to nurture and soothe ourselves the way healthy friends and family have through out our lives because we don't have the same level of access to those relationships at this time. This is all heartbreaking, sad, and difficult. Sometimes, it's hard to find purpose or meaning in life. Sometimes, it is hard to even get out of bed. But you are not alone and neither am I. All of us who are struggling right now know what I am talking about. Sometimes, it feels like we are in literal hell while other days are better. Sometimes we have months of just chronic depression, anxiety, and nightmares and it seems to never end. While other times, we have hope and things seem okay. It is hard to find light at the end of the tunnel and have hope. Sometimes, it feels depression will win. But we are all strong af and I know we are because we have all survived this far. And we are brave enough to talk about how we feel instead of bottle it up inside. We talk about it in the comment section or in youtube videos or have the courage to talk about it in therapy. The fact many people are seeking help right now or are commenting right now about how they feel is incredible because it shows how strong we all are for even being able to open up about all this stuff. I remember when I was a kid, mental health was a taboo topic and people didn't talk about it as openly as people do now. Everyone here today commenting is brave. And you, Glare, are extremely brave for talking about these issues and emotions you are feeling right now. I think what you are doing is helping to end the stigma associated with mental health issues by opening up like this and having the courage to talk about this. Mental health issues are not always beautiful & have a happy ending like how they are portrayed in a lot of movies. Mental health isn't romantic. It isn't something to make fun of either. Mental health issues are something we have to constantly work on, manage, and use different coping techniques and skills through out our lives for the rest of our lives just to cope and survive because it's something that doesn't just go away or is magically cured. Mental health isn't always beautiful and talking about the ugly and uncomfortable stuff is important because it helps people better understand mental health and take off their rose colored glasses when they see mental health issues. A lot of our mental health problems are misunderstood by people and it's unfortunate, but having the strength and courage to talk about this stuff despite other people's ignorance on the matter, helps others come forward and see these issues from a different perspective and learn something from it and feel hopeful. I know this comment is long, but I just want to say that I admire you so much for talking about this. And I admire everyone in the comment section coming forward about their struggles with mental health as well. I know it isn't easy and I know right now things are extremely difficult. I really sending you my best thoughts right now. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone & you are loved. You matter. Please don't give up yet. Thanks for reading this far. ❤ Hope we all have a better year this year than the last one and that we all stay safe.

  • You are beautiful , you are smart , you are so creative , you are successful , you are BAD BITCH! Do not ever forget it ! 💕

  • I am just seeing this but I saw her most recent upload and could tell by your voice you weren’t doing well. Please know you are loved. I am here if you every need someone to vent to.

  • Girl I barely sleep these days wtf

  • I'm also in the tags-still-on closet club. It's frustrating.

  • Maybe try a SAD light or a light that has realistic sunlight? That might help make you feel like you're getting some sun until you're able to see the real one again.🤗

  • Hey man, I'm not doing great either so i don't think ill watch the video very far, but please take all the care and time you need

  • I’m in the exact same place as you I’m sleeping weird hours my Anorexia has come back with A vengeance I’m basically just go with the flow right now just hour by hour right now

  • I'm having sleep problems too and oh boi this shit is not fun... I can't sleep and it's destroying me. I have depression and now without sleep I spend most of the night crying or having panic attacks... hopefully this year my mental health gets better 😥

  • Being alone at Christmastime...it's a good thing.

  • Hey hun I hope you’re feeling better. My bulimia has come back(have to get all my teeth out at 30) so I’m like what’s the point anymore...my depression is in waves Way more mania. Insomnia n sleep paralysis with panic attacks happening a lot more like IM WITH YOU GIRL! I try to be grateful for what I have and I am I even started uploading the insanity and I’ve found such a small wonderful group of people who support each other. I love telling the all 300people or so my crazy life stories and also talking about music I love and helping people. But even so I’m just like not doing that as much either and I got weighed the other day and everything my therapist said to me after I got weighed didn’t matter anymore. The videos the holiday nothing matters anymore but the number on that scale. And it sux. Jan 4th is the anniversary of the death of my fiancé and I just want this to stop. I loose time or I’m wicked manic or wicked depressed and I just want to say I’m with you and to anyone that reads this comment this world needs a little more more love so from human to human I love you 💕 let’s all just do the best we can every day and if the best I can do is make my bed that’s ok. Anyways I just wanted to ask comment on how beautiful you look and I love your sweatshirt.

  • I'm feeling you so much on the body dysmorphia and eating. i am at the biggest i've ever been and i'm so disappointed in myself and it's been so difficult trying to be kind to myself about it. nothing ever seems enough when i get like this. like no matter how much i move, how little i eat, it doesn't matter. like its so frustrating. i can feel the size i am, and its disgusting. fuck this pandemic, man. fuck it.

  • Lately I haven't been able to see my sister due to her traveling & now in quarantine for safety measures the holidays weren't the same without her I miss her so much because visiting her helps me with making something different & not the same routine everyday. Recently my bf helps the same way but some days I see him once or twice the week & I feel so embarrassed that I get this anxiety out of nowhere yet I want his reassurance. Even going out to the store doesn't help me mentally like it used to I feel like I'm becoming mentally stuck again & depressed